Office Diaries (Stabby Special)

5 things to do when you feel stabby in the office-

Rule number 1- Don't. Yeah you heard( read it right) Do not and mind you big emphasis on the not, do not stab anyone in the office, irrespective of the fact how much they deserve it or are asking rather begging for it. Trust me jail food ain't nice, and there is a very high chance that your fellow cell mate and jailor will be a lot more irritating than your colleague.

Rule number 2- Drink water. I can tell you all the magical things you will experience when you drink water. Your body will feel lighter, you will not feel sleepy any more, your mind will be clearer. And if none of these impresses you, well you will have better skin cause all that water is bound to flush out all sorts of toxins out of your system. So. it's a win-win from all sides. You get great skin and you don't kill your irritating office-mates. I am so proud of you.

Rule number 3- Listen to some music. My office has this rule that if you won't disturb anyone else then you can have a few tunes on. Some of you might just not have this opportunity but don't ya worry I got the perfect solution for you too. Hum a little tune in your mind, it can be anything that makes you smile. Play your happy tune in your mind and do a little jig if you want to. Just remember one thing try and control the dreamy expression,that is the only problem with this solution. You see I had once made a dreamy face while humming in my mind and I didn't even realize I was at that time in the office. So yeah I gave my full blown dreamy expression to this guy in IT and till date he gives me an extra side-smile every time I see him.

Rule number 4- Count backwards. Again this should be in your mind. Your boss is screaming at you for no apparent reason or may be he or she has a good reason(so what you screwed up, shit happens kid. Don't worry next time you will do better) But currently your boss is tearing you a new one, so what do you do? Do you take the gold letter opener, that is the crowning glory of your boss's desk and stab him with it? Or do you take the pen you are holding and stab your boss in the eye? The answer is none of the above. You take a calming breath, keep your mouth shut(cause giving lip helped no one) and you count backwards. Trust me it will calm you. I am from a joint family and get tortured by my relatives a lot, this rule helps me in staying out of jail for mass murder. A point I would like to mention is that you could do rule number 3 in this case too, but I think 4 is safer when it comes to handling bosses. You will not want to give your boss a dreamy expression in the middle of a talking to or hum out a tune. This might lead to a call from the HR or worse termination. So rule 4 is safer, like a lot safer.

 

And the final Rule number 5- Affirmations. Write or even imagine all the things you will be able to do if you curb your desire to stab a fellow work colleague or your boss or may be your client. You will get sent to jail and won't get to hang out with your loved ones, or get to see your favorite team beat their arch enemy or eat your fav soul foods (I mean I could have said gourmet instead of soul food but come on soul food wins any battle, hands down always) 

So people do not stab anyone when they get on your last nerve or they skip work and flirt with your office crush while you slog on or when they steal your due credit for your work well done. Cause it ain't worth it.

(Quick note - You can stab people if it is for self defense. If it is for self defense, then you should totally stab, bite, kick, maim)

Wish you all a very happy day.

Toodles.